Saturday, 18 December 2010

Brace Yourself

On Thursday I got my braces removed after two years of having them.
Here’s me before:


Here’s me now:

My teeth feel really big and really smooth and I feel so American- it’s totally sketchy. I think my braces actually suited me and now I feel plainer than a schoolgirl in a hoody, jeggings and ugg boots.
 Also before you say anything I am well aware that I am a little old for braces but I sucked my thumb til I was 12 and they made me wait ages.

Braces aren’t seen much in the media as they are usually a bit of an adolescent thing and rich people can afford to get invisible ones. But you know, they feature in the lives of many people so I thought I’d talk about famous brace wearers.

1. Currently the most well-known metalmouth and someone who I am constantly compared to, hopefully because of my smarts and not cause’ve her name- is Ugly Betty.

When the programme started Betty was often mocked for her big blue braces, (which I am super jealous of cause they didn’t let me have colours) but soon it all calmed down and even Mark and Amanda accepted her for who she was. But in the last series they totally copped out and gave her a make-over which ended in her getting her braces off.
Betty; you were my last comrade in orthodontia and you’ve left me behind. Frankly I am disgusted.

2. Willy Wonka as a kid in the latest Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film.

I’m totally glad I never had a headset or any teeth out or those elastic band things.. seeing this makes me glad my teeth issues were minor.

3. Miley Cyrus.

There are various highly zoomed in pictures of Miley’s molars where people have speculated that she has braces. I’m not sure if the rumours are true but it is my belief that as she tries so hard to embody the average American teen in both her T.V. show and in her image for real life, she should have had normal braces; not these high-tech high-cost invisaline undercover braces.
My sexy NHS pair didn’t do me so badly, although they totally ruined my double life as a teen pop sensation and gave me away as being behind Susanna Alabama. Pahaha. 

rofl. Yours faithfully, 
Simon Cowell II

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