Wednesday, 21 September 2011

City Livin'

Those of you who don’t know me in the real world might not realise that I originally hail from the countryside.
Yep, just like Farmville ‘cept it’s REAL.
[Mary mother of god!- MS word recognises Farmville as a proper word and even capitalised it for me… what is the world coming to?]
Anyway, me and the mohawked rugmuncher (oh so now mohawked and rugmuncher aren’t real words? Eff you MS word) had a debate about whether the city or the countryside is better to live in.
OBVIOUSLY I sided with the city, I mean- which sane person wouldn’t?
This is pretty much my house
It’s not that I’m not grateful to the countryside for giving me a dull as dishwater upbringing with nothing to do but sit on the church steps sipping from a three litre bottle of Frosty Jack’s. cause like, if I’d grown up in the city I might have… I don’t know, not been to as many parties put on in village halls? Or maybe  I wouldn’t have benefitted from knowing the name of every single drongo that sits on the till at Morrisons.
Nice tabard.

Okay, jokes aside. Maybe the countryside is safer. There are much more places for a murderer to dispose of your mutilated body, but chances are that cause everyone knows everyone you’re likely to already be aware of those with sociopathic tendencies, and have given them a wide berth.
Oh and it’s pretty. I hate the beach, but I guess the fields and rivers are okay I suppose.
Which is why I uphold the view that living in a village should be the preserve of holidaymakers and the elderly.
I googled 'inbred' and got this! LOLZ

EVERYTHING about living in a rural town is inconvenient. I don’t drive- so where I can go alone is entirely dependent on where buses go. Which generally- they don’t go at all. Buses cost a fortune too, people say London is expensive but a single bus ticket with an oyster card is only £1.30, I could pay £4, more if I actually admit to being an adult (I never will).

EVERYONE knows your business. Nothing can go under the radar. Especially when you’re a local celeb like myself….

EVERYWHERE is chock full of old people. I don’t particularly have a problem with old people.. but when I’m trying to post a letter the last thing I want is to be stuck behind a queue of geriatrics paying their TV licence with a collection of five pence pieces.
There are no old people in London, people think I’m joking but they just aren’t any.
You know they only have those wheely things to take up MORE space and be even MORE inconvenient 
Lol I called this post ‘City Livin’’ when actually I just ranted about how bad country living is.. oh well, c’est la vie.


  1. Cuntry... I mean... country life is better! I shall remain in the country with my "special friend", "roommate"... Or what ever the local elders consider me and my Mrs to be, we shall own our 2.5 dogs and chop logs to keep warm (wearing our matching flannel). Nothing will change, I am right.

    Also you hate old people... they try to touch your hair. you dress like them.

    Signed with disdain


  2. Disgusting.
    and OI just cause I have TIMELESS SARTORIAL GRACE does not mean I dress like an old person.
    Eff you and eff the mobility scooter you rode in on!
    (lol D.O.W)