Dyke Dilemma

Dear Dolly,

I've been struggling with my sexuality for about 5 years now and I just can't find a way of telling people I'm a lesbian? I shaved my head just to hint to people, and I have piercings all over my face but I'm STILL getting hit on by guys? If things don't improve soon then I'm afraid I'm just going to have to do something drastic like buy a hoodie or a pair of cargo pants? Please help me.

Dear Buzzcut,

This may seem like a controversial tactic but you could just pretend to be a man, I mean, with your current look you need only take off your bra and stuff your knickers. There are two advantages to this, 1. most men will stop hitting on you, 2. you may just pull a straight woman. When you're engaging in dykey activities (eating at vegetarian restaurants, buying plaid shirts or drinking guiness) just pop on a wonderbra and pull out your gusset padding and you're golden. You won't be the only lesbian trying this one out, I mean, one of my favourite games is 'is this a gay man or a lesbian?' it's hard to tell sometimes- I'd check for an adam's apple before hitting on that totally cute chick that looks a bit like Justin Bieber.

Good luck!

Dolly.

Need advice? email longtimenodig@mail.com