Bad Presents

Do you ever open up a gift all excited-like

 

Just to think: have they even met me?

First of all, just so this whole post isn’t a massive ungrateful dig at people I know, here are three things I will ALWAYS accept and show gratitude for:

1. Tights: I’m obsessed with them. I’d even be happy with opaque black ones you bought from a garage.

2. Nice smellies: buy me Radox bubbles and I’ll be laughing. I always want these things but forget to buy them. BUY THEM FOR ME. If they come from somewhere super-nice like LUSH or The Body Shop then I’ll love you long time even more.

3. Postcards/Cards With Nice Pictures: I like them and they’re also cheap. Come on, you can’t go wrong.

But my dear friends and family often do not choose to buy me things I like. Sometimes, it is as if they are only buying me these things to anger me- and not even like “lol it’s a joke present” where you might not appreciate the gift in itself- but the thought behind it makes up for that, but just- things I detest.

MUGS:

I am famously someone who does not drink hot drinks. So why, I wonder, do I get bought so many frickin mugs. And they are hideous and/or offensive mugs at that. Here’s one that sits on my bookshelf that I have never touched. I am not into cartoon characters okay? Let’s just get this straight. Or pastel colours for that matter. And I only like things that are “cute” if they have cats on.

Here is an offensive mug my dad bought me.

Sick. I think I gave it to a jumble sale. I hate Jamie Oliver, I hate the colour-scheme and I don’t like to advertise my failings as a woman.

ORNAMENTS: I am not an 80-year-old woman. The amount of ornaments I have given to charity is appalling. DO NOT WANT.

As a matter of fact, does anyone want? I will give this away to any willing home. It says Gemini on the other side?

STUFF THAT IN THEORY IS NICE BUT IS ACTUALLY SO CHEAP I WILL NEVER USE IT:

Avon perfume. It smells like embalming fluid. Either get me nice perfume or just buy me chocolate. I also hate how they shamelessly rip off other brands- one year I got Avon’s Sexy 4 U, which is totally trying to be CK in 2 U.

WEIRD STUFF:

Spatulas. THANKS NAN.

Also Merry Christmas/Bah Humbug as applicable.