I'm Bringing Sexy Back

KK bbz. Ages ago I put a poll up on the LTND facebook page asking what y’all wanted me to write about, and as all my readers are horny teenagers the overall jist of it was that you’re after SEX, SEX and more SEX.


And as I cba to track down any people of interest from weird forums… (which I am willing to do again if you liked my previous posts) so I thought I’d just write about what I think is HOT and what I think is NOT.


And for the record, contrary to what this post’s title may have you believe- Justin Timberlake is NOT.

HOT

1. man smell


2. singing talent- not entirely sure why but a boy that can sing really gets my juices flowing, if you’ll pardon the expression

3. subtlety- being super forward is actually really creepy. Especially when I’m on my own… AWRIGHT DARLIN WASSA NICE GAL LIKE YOU DOIN IN A PLACE LIKE THIS? Trying to get from A to B without being accosted by cockney dickheads who think that’s a good line, thank you very much. I do like clever chat up lines though.. seriously I collect them. Ask and I’ll collate a list on here.

4. people who read

5. buying me stuff- K I’m totes a modern woman but who doesn’t like presents?

what can i say, i was into boys at a young age

NOT

1. accents- I find them so distracting


2. being grinded on in da club- just because I am in da club doesn’t mean you can rub your dick on me, brah.

yeah i always go out clubbin like dis bby boi. it getz me al da attenshin

3. people who ask if I’m a lesb then when they find out I’m not ask the person they asked for my number. As you might be able to tell this actually happened to me. What the helling fuck?


4. long fingernails- OMG this should have been number one. Men with long nails make me want to VOM VOM VOM all night long. So what if it’s ‘for guitar’ it’s still horrible.

get some clippers, bitch.

5. people telling me they’re in possession of an XXL baby snake. FORREAL?! I just met you. I’ll tell you my opinion on that if I ever see it, but now you’ve raised that point I don’t think that’s going to be likely.

me on my hen night... LOL

OHHHHH and the best one. Don’t talk to me if you’ve ever referred to yourself as a ‘lad’. Well unless you’re Scottish but that conflicts with the whole accent thing so it’s still better to steer clear of me.


Do you agree with me? If you do share this with all ur potential new boyfriends... or if you think I'm chatting shit, tell me so in the comments or on facebook.. 
CIAO BAMBINININININS

Dolly's People: Ladyboy Enthusiast

Today I'm going to be chatting with Alan Smithee, a dapper chap with a penchant for the ambiguously sexed- Enjoy!

Dolly: so Alan, for those of us who aren't familiar with the ins and outs of gender-bending, what exactly defines a ladyboy?

AS: It's a tough one, sexuality really can't be compartmentalised as easily as people tend to think. It's a spectrum and a lot of it's down to individual perceptions. I'd personally say that a ladyboy is effectively a chick with a dick. I'd also say there's a subtle difference between a ladyboy and a transvestite; for me the transvestite has a sense of deception about it, like a man disguised as a woman. A ladyboy, to me, is absolutely a lady, but with a dick. I can't speak for everybody, but that's my view.

Dolly: Would you ever consider doing the dirty with a pretty convincing transvestite or at the other end of the spectrum a post-op transsexual?

AS: I think it'd be pretty narrow to say I wouldn't consider anything! If you're saying 'transvestite' rather than 'ladyboy' then I guess it's not a write off, but it's not my thing. Same with post-ops. As a big fan of ladyboys it almost seems a shame that people feel the need to have an operation, but if someone feels like that's what they'd want then I guess it's the right thing for them. They really don't appeal the same way ladyboys do.

Dolly: Have you ever indulged your passion for chicks with dicks I.R.L. or is it purely a late-night googling thing?

AS: Late night/Late morning. Good old internet.

Dolly: What, in your opinion- are the attributes that really make a dame with a dong into a realistic woman?

AS: It's a toughy. What makes anyone feminine? I think there's a definite sense with a ladyboy that they're definitely a she. I guess there's just something integral that crosses the line of a man pretending and becomes a lady with an alternative appendage.

Dolly: I see the attraction, dicks are fun! and easy to operate, and boobs are p. cool too- to quote Hannah Montana it's the best of both worlds! Is this how you think of it?

AS: Who knows. You know when you get a pub lunch and you're offered chicken or pork? That's literally the closest I can come to what it could be. I hate ordering the same thing all the time.

A friend of mine thinks it might be because it'd be cool to be with a girl who had to adjust herself too. Whilst I don't know quite how much I attribute to his theory, that is pretty cool.

Oh, and by 'adjust herself' I meant when a guy stands up and sometimes has to re-angle his junk to walk comfy. A chick doing that would be pretty cool.

Dolly: Does liking ladyboys automatically make you bisexual? I've heard the word ‘pansexual’ being bandied about but that always seemed like a funny one.. either as if you'd find ANYTHING sexually attractive, or you're into pans.

AS: Or that you wanna fuck the goat-person from Guillermo Del Toro's flick.

Dolly: so tru

AS: I don't know, I guess if we're attaching a rigid framework to sexuality then it would make me bi. But sexuality really doesn't work like that in my mind, it should be a lot more open-ended than just saying yes or no. I honestly consider a ladyboy to be a lady with a dick, so if it's a lady to me then that would make it heterosexual attraction, but then the dick would make it gay. It's a big old moral minefield and honestly I don't think it matters all that much, maybe we label sexuality so vigourously because it's scary to people, people who are open about sexuality don't tend to give a shit in my experience.

Dolly: One last thing, are you planning a trip to Thailand anytime soon?

AS: Thailand is the first thing that comes to mind isn't it? I'm not sure if going there would be quite what I'd want it to be. Can you really enjoy it if you're getting charged? It'd probably seem a lot more illicit and a lot less fun.

Dolly: Well, thanks a million for agreeing to be interviewed~ it’s been fun. Now go back to one typing one-handed in a sex chatroom if you wish! Ciao ciao!

FRESHERS

Hey guys! Looks like it’s that time of year again!

Pretty much everyone in the year below is on the cusp of leaving mummy for the first time cause it’s the last chance they’ll have to do it on the cheap.

Ikea’s already choc full of spotty teenagers wondering whether two plates’ll be enough, and a substantial number of eighteen year olds are being kept awake at night plagued not by the anxiety of leaving everyone they’ve ever known to go and live with complete strangers/possible psychos- but by the conundrum of how they should go about naming their cutlery.

Seeing as I came out of my first year alive, and plan on going back to university for more- I thought I should write some spiel about being a fresher.

Innit.

1. Be nice to everyone

Okay, so everyone at home knows and loves you as that bitch with a rapier tongue and dry wit- but you’re not going to make any instant friendships like that. Pretend to be pleasant. At least until you find like-minded people.

You should remember that most people come to university knowing nobody, and so will be eternally grateful for someone saying ‘want to grab a liquid lunch with me?’ and who knows, they could be your new best friend! Or a total drip. But you never know, you could be put in a seminar group with them and be begging to borrow their Hamlet notes in a few months time.

Such wholesome looking students! NOTE: you will never look like this, your clothes won't see an iron until you go home for Christmas and you'll probably run out of money for the washer anyway, plus that acne you thought you grew out of when you were 14, well- it'll be back. With a vengeance. 

2. Remember to bring your paperwork

You’ll survive at university if you forget to bring most things, they can be bought/borrowed if needs be. But one thing that is ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL is your documents.

You don’t want to be stuck with no student loan cause you’ve left your letter on your bedside table back home.

AAHH WHAT'S MY BLOODY SORT CODE

3. Communal living

Don’t leave anything you don’t want to be stolen in the kitchen.

Students are notorious kleptomaniacs; they’re the human version of raccoons I swear!

I thought I had done alright at the end of last year, only to find when I’d moved into my new place that someone had run off with my tin opener! Cheeky!

This goes for food too- leave stuff in the fridge and someone will steal it, ESPECIALLY milk.

4. Freshers flu

After a week of solid drinking, drugs and debauchery you’re going to get ill. Your parents aren’t telling you to eat properly so you’ve probably been getting the main part of your nutrient intake from drink. And let me just tell you that just cause Jägermeister tastes like cough medicine, it doesn’t mean it’s any good for you.

This is why it’s important to bring pills with you, waking up on Sunday morning with a throbbing headache is only made worse when you realise it’s not morning. It’s 4.15 and Sainsbury’s is now closed.

Pack as many boxes of paracetamol as you could possibly fit in your washbag.

You WILL use them.

Seriously, who takes pills like this?

Okay, I’ve not mentioned some common sensy things, but here they are just in case you’re a total idiot.

-carry condoms on you at all times, universities are not the hallowed halls of learning they appear to be- they are PITS OF DISEASE

-girls: see all those clothes you packed? Leave half of them at home

-remember to bring chargers with you- good luck telling your mother you’ve forgotten your phone charger when the battery is already dead.

- for god’s sake… read the goddamn books. You only need 40% to pass first year but that’ll come a lot easier if you at least know basic outlines!

(Oh, and take a look at this list for what you should bring with you, it's pretty good)

MADONNA!

OH EM GEE! It’s totaaaally Madonna’s birthday today! I know she’s probably far above googling herself, but if one of her ‘people’ is reading this right now- tell her Dolly says hi!

 Anyway, it goes without saying that Ms Ciccone is the most beautiful and stylish person on earth. So today I’m gonna share some tips to help you achieve some modicum of her awe-inducing FINESSE.

1. Let your roots show on purpose

"You look so good with blond hair and black roots its like not even funny."

 It’s dirty. And dirty is sexy.

2. It’s never too late to re-invent

It’s hard to argue that Madge isn’t the queen of re-invention. Cause well. Is there any look she hasn’t rocked?

4. Love your copy-cats

 

a) Madge actually looks better than gaga here, 30 year age difference or not.

b) She should be flattered

c) The woman who is often hailed as the most original dresser in pop rips off Madonna's look all the time- which obviously makes M a frickin' deity.

5. Cradle-snatching doesn’t make you look old it makes you looks SEDUCTIVE AS HELL

3. It’s all about the eyebrows betches.

6. Draw attention to your lady-bits

If your outfit shouts I AM A WOMAN or alternatively- LOOK AT MY VAGINA/TITS, then no man is immune. Men are dead stupid, if you didn’t let them know where the main attractions are then they’d never get there.

7. You are never too old for leotards

Never were truer words spoken.

P.S this got me so effing excited.

Dolly's People 1: Dessy the Furry

Today I’m going to be talking to Dessy, or Desmond- a teenage furry from Virginia U.S.A..

It probably goes without saying that this conversation is not for children’s eyes..

(p.s. For the uninitiated I have included links with definitions to some of the more specialist terminology)

Dolly: Do your friends and family know about your predilection for critter tail?

  

Dessy: Hm... I don't believe my family know the first thing about furries. At all. So no.

But most of my friends are well aware of my being an active member of the furry fandom.

Dolly: Did you get any bad reactions when you 'outed yourself'?

Dessy: Nothing worse than a bit of innocent teasing and harmless gests. We furries, especially in places like 4chan and YouTube, are the subject of some mirth.

Dolly: So tell me, is there any particular beast that really gets your engines going?

Dessy: I recently--and I do mean recently, after being indecisive for quite some time--decided to be a dragon. This means I'm a member of a subcategory of those furries who elect to have fursonas to represent themselves within the community that are called "scalies."

Dolly: So there are some of y'all that don't have one special animal they're into?

Dessy: Certainly. Furries are members of the fandom of anthropomorphic animals, and don't necessarily poke their noses into any sort of roleplay as actual animal characters. Not each furry has his or her own 'fursona'.

Dolly: Let’s get down to brass tacks. What sexual orientation would you consider yourself (in both furry and human relationships)

Dessy: Heh. I don't tend to hold a furry relationship distinct from a human relationship. My boyfriend Jared is both a furry and a human, as it were. As am I, but I would call myself bisexual, despite admittedly never having slept with a woman.

Dolly: So, you dig both boy and girl dragons?

Jared is a fox. 

Foxes seem to be the most common animal.

They're everywhere. It's frightening.

Dolly: Well, I suppose they are quite sexy. Well, for animals.

Dessy: Oh? ;P

Dolly: You’ve seen Disney’s Robin Hood. I would, and quite frankly- who wouldn’t?

Dessy: Oh, goodness, yes. A movie from my childhood. I wouldn't say it had much bearing on my becoming a furry, but I certainly loved that movie well.

And still do, I suppose

I have it downstairs on VHS.

Dolly: So are you into the whole team mascot-esque fursuit thing?

Or indeed.. scale suits?

Dessy: Heheh... Well. They're neat and whatnot, but I can't say I intend to wear one at any foreseeable time in the future, let alone purchase or make one. I'm fairly satisfied with my appearance in real life, and I doubt I would be satisfied with the appearance of a fursuit meant to look like my fursona.

Dolly: Well. As far as I’m concerned, when there’s one kink there’s often a whole tonne of others there too. What else turns you on?

Between you and me, I have a fetish called Vorarephilia.

And I have as long as I can remember.

Explaining it is always a bother.

(don’t worry guys, I am ALL OVER the google on this, I really wouldn't do it yourself if I was you- Ed.)

Dolly: Do you ever get off to nature films etc with the real animals? Or are you just into the anthro stuff?

Dessy: Nature films? That strikes me as silly. I can't help but laugh at the thought of someone giving a dull narration to something I consider porn.

Nah. I tend to stick with finer pieces of art.

I suppose.

Is it supposed to be at all awkward that we're talking about me masturbating?

And you intend to blog about this?

^^';

Yes. I am a dirty dirty girl.

Well, I hope y’all enjoyed today’s peek into an unconventional mind!

Dolly

xx

If you're fully intrigued and want to see more along this vein, this website has lotsa weird and wonderful animal dongs on show. Check out the forum for added creepiness.  

Happy HIV/AIDS Day!!

As you all should be well aware the 1^st of December is World HIV/AIDS awareness day. And if you’re not aware you damn well should be now.

BE AWARE.

The main jist of this post; to quote Pooh Bear is

BEWARE
BEWARE
BE A VERY WARY BEAR.

We all know that HIV/AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease; well, you can be born with it or get it through blood transfusions or needles but nowadays they vet donated blood for it so MOSTLY you’re going to get it through getting it on.

You may have dismissed the disease as something only present in the developing world but in fact 83,000 people in Britain currently have it- knowingly or not. So we should all be vigilant- you can’t outwardly tell if someone has it unless they’re in the last stages of the disease but even then, they could appear to be a badly kept supermodel.

The virus is most easily spread via the blood, which means that you’re most susceptible if you partake in backdoor sex (sorry my glittery darlings) as that passage is delicate.

A great film that shows the reality of being an AIDS victim is Philadelphia with Tom Hanks:

Of course AIDS is the most horrid venereal disease- but there are others which can be quite grim or even fatal.

So it is of the utmost importance that you all remain safe.

The Pill is not enough, you need some sort of barrier- i.e a condom or femidom (lol does anyone actually use them) and diseases can also be spread via fellatio or cunnilingus so keep it wrapped up at alllllllll times- dental dams are available for lady-eaters if you should so wish.

Barrier protection is cheap to buy, even free in some cases so you have no excuse.

And you should DEFINITELY get yourself tested before you engage in unsafe sex- and only do it with someone you trust. Cause like, if they’ve got a little something on the side, you’re essentially sleeping with them too- no matter how skanky they are.

Also look what you can get!

If that’s not enough to get you all wrapped up then there’s no hope for you.