Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Batty Girl

Okay, I just read this and the long and the short of it is that people, especially young people consider the music tastes of a potential partner to be an important factor in whether they’ll get with them. Which draws me to a conclusion I’ve reached time and time again- I am a gay man trapped inside a woman’s body.
elton john miss piggy gay pink muppets

My tastes in music go something like this: Cher, Prince, Madonna, Kate Bush, Dolly Parton, The GoGo’s, BeyoncĂ©, Musicals, Lady GaGa, Disco generally and ABBA. (enjoy the youtubes) 

If I was to find a straight man that was into all that even I’d probably think he was a crafty butcher.

My hobbies too tend to bend towards the festive persuasion: singing, miming that I am singing, cats, glitter, Glee, watching reality T.V. shows (not x-factor but the good ones like ANTM and RuPaul’s Drag Race), cocktails and dressing up.

You may remark that these are not so much the activities of the friends of Dorothy, but rather typically female leisure pursuits. So perhaps I should become a Todger-Dodger.  But I just couldn’t… the thought of women *shudder* --

Furthermore, many of my friends… perhaps most of my friends are fruity. I didn’t do it on purpose, I befriend them then BAM the closet flies open and they’re in there dressed in multicoloured glitter and neck scarves/plaid.
Even my first boyfriend, alas- is gay.
If only my six year old self knew better than to fall for someone just cause he liked Barbie the same as I did… (luv you bby boi)

All this inadvertent association with the rainbow crowd has turned me into a massive Fag Hag. Basically, to those not down with the lingo- Karen from Will & Grace.
karen walker jack will grace fag hag faghag friends

And I’ve always wondered, am I alone in this? Is it a real syndrome? Can I call it gender-sexual-dysphoria and get a programme made on me for channel 4?

Does this happen to men? Do any of you think you’re psychological lesbians? Should I start a support group?

Actually, I kind of love it. And to quote the great Tyra Banks, it’s totally “fierce”.

(and fyi I’ve included a lot of links for definitions to all the lulzy euphemisms and nicknames I’ve used throughout this, I hope I’ve widened your vocabulary)

love you all,
a big shout out to all my sassy gay friends: especially the mohawked one who has no shame and asked me to do this. ok i love you all, but especially you.


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