Friday, 5 August 2011

Summer... Bummer!

I don’t really like the summer, I mean- to put this another way; I wear tights about 362 days of the year.
Me and the sun are not friends.

It ruins my complexion.

But that’s just me. The main reasons I detest this abhorrent season is because of the behaviour of other people. Damn them.


Seriously. They are fucking fleapits. If I wanted chlamydia and alcohol poisoning I’d get them in the comfort of my own home where I don’t have to rub groins with football shirt wearing ‘lads on tour’, with their ridiculous ‘banter’.
Check out these snaps as proof.

Exchange Students

Why are you here? And why are there so fricking many? Last year I had to share a public bus with 30 German ones. Get your own transport, bus hogs!
And they’re all so turtle-shelled with their backpacks strapped on up high. With their double-bloody-denim I don’t care what Alexa Cheung said that one time in Vogue, that’ll never be chic.
Go home. Bloody grockles.

Topless Men

I don’t want to see your putrid lovehandles and man tits. Always scorched red-raw from basting themselves in coconut oil and lying to roast in the sun, and inevitably they will have one of those awful patriotic/football tattoos. Of a bulldog, or 'made in Britain' or some other godawful emblem.
Keep your nudity within the confines of your own home.
Or maybe the beach.
If you’re good.


There’s always that unbearably crap dance song that the clubs just can’t stop playing on repeat. And almost without exception they are gopping. Well I don’t know, that we no speaka da Americano was okay.. I think..

And most of all, yeah, most of all…
Perhaps hypocritically seeing as I just dedicated a whole blog post to the subject- I hate how much of a big deal people make of it.
In Britain summer lasts about 5 days, a week if you’re lucky. And nothing especially amazing happens. If you’ve finished school you probably have to work just as much during the summer than you do at any other time of year. And it feels worse because it gets so stuffy inside.

So basically. I cannot wait for autumn.

No comments:

Post a Comment