Selling To Men

I find advertising quite interesting—and no, not just because of Mad Men, I actually think it is often innovative and psychological. But there is one area of the rhetorical arts that never fails to astound me in its unoriginality; the selling of traditionally feminine products to men.

WKD

Look it’s two men doing some manly DIY together, you could just cut the testosterone in that room with a knife. Now look the lad’s having a bubble! What  a lad doing a lad robot dance with a macho man drill.

LAD LAD LAD.

Come on WKD, you know men don’t drink your stuff. It tastes like candyfloss!

Face Cream

Matthew Fox (?) giving us some spiel about LIFE and ACTION overlaying images of BOXING and HOT CHICKS and RUNNING then they sneakily show us this magical face cream that tells us where pussyboy women’s brands might ‘enliven’ or ‘regenerate’ this manly manly pot of creamed violence and sex appeal FIGHTS THE SIGNS OF FATIGUE.

Cause jeesh what is more manly than FIGHTING.

Tissues

Kleenex have really done us proud with this one, it’s so manly I just felt my ovaries shrivel up.

This man isn’t a wuss for crying

Look at him

He has a BULLDOG

A BRITISH BULLDOG AND TATTOOS AND STUBBLE AND A WIFEBEATER AND A WOMAN

He is allowed to cry.

And look! It’s BOB frickin GELDOF, LAUGHING IN THE FACE of some MUMMA’S BOY SISSY GIRL PANTS EXECUTIVES

Now there’s Emma Bunton, wait! She isn’t a MAN!?! Oh.. but she just ripped apart those WIMPY PINK ROSES and is ROCKIN OUT to ROCK MUSIC whilst wearing LEATHER,, it’s okay, honorary lad-ship awarded.

Now the manliest man of them all, SVEN GORAN MOTHER EFFING ERICSSON! And he’s not using the tissues, oh contraire! He’s KICKING THEM into the BIN and screaming GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAL!!!!

Oof my testicles just dropped.

In my humble opinion adverts like these are pretty offensive to men… or maybe these adverts work, I’m not sure

So boys, tell me, are you mainly into FIGHTING and LADS and FOOTBALL?

Harum-Scarum

I’ll admit it, I’m an old fashioned girl. I like my men to be men; and what screams “man” more than a delicious coating of body hair? Yes, that’s right, I’m pro-hair.

godlike

Modern media’s message to women implies that in order to be attractive we should all be totally hairless- with the exception of our eyelashes and of the hair on our head where it should be impossibly long and lustrous.

But this message is not just a problem for us girls; more and more frequently this is also indoctrinating our men!

NO!

PLEASE STOP!

LEAVE IT THERE!

(fun fact: apparently a back wax is called a "sweater removal" in certain circles LOL)

According to AskMen.com (a most excellent website I spend way too much time on) male depilation is now imperative.

Well, I’m all for a little light pruning if needs must. But lay down your wax strips and Veet and listen!

I have surveyed the populace (okay so I asked some people on facebook- deal with it) and the survey suggests that 70% of straight women are in favour of body hair, 20% don’t particularly care and only 1 person surveyed preferred her men aerodynamically hairless. I only got one result from gay men (and 100% of all surveyed says hair is good) so its probably not representative, but NEVERTHELESS, I think you should all take my painstaking research into serious consideration.

Let it grow.

Come on boys, would you rather be Peter Andre or Don Draper?

Who would you rather emulate?

• Don Draper
• Peter Andre

I am a Terrible Person

I really suck. I am a genuinely dire person and there are a lot of things that I am truly awful at. Today’s post is a list of my failings. Maybe I’ll list my talents at a later date.

Maybe.

Walking

I can’t walk properly and I’ve ruined every pair of shoes I’ve ever owned. I drag my feet and trip over all the time.

It’s gone beyond being salvageable after a trip to the cobblers. I bought these shoes at the end of November.

Washing

I tried to wash my nice white French Connection shirt, and now it’s lilac.

Tidiness

This is my desk, it’s a total bombsite. And I have no shame either, I let people into my room when it looks a helluva lot worse than this. Filth.

Sympathy

I find it really hard to be sympathetic to people. My friend just told me she burnt her hand and my reply was “hahah fool” jeesh I’m cruel. If I burnt my hand I’d expect at least a non-sarcastic “awwr you poor thing”

Having a forehead

Look at it, it’s three effing centimetres high.

In the words of HRH Tyra Banks- it’s a threehead.