Eurovision

Hey girls and gays! I was going to write this yesterday but Blogger was down… no fun!

So tomorrow it’s that time again, no, not the 133^rd anniversary of Vaseline first being sold, it’s EUROVISION, silly!

Now, the reason for my over-use of exclamation marks is that, of course- I love it! For me, it is better than Christmas, there’s all the camp fun and merriment but none of the expense/family members that still think you’re six.

This year is especially exciting for me as it is being held in the country where dreams are made- GERMANY!

look, I know it's in Düsseldorf and not Berlin but I haven't got any pictures of me near any Düsseldorf landmarks. Sorry.

Britain’s offering this year is pretty poor (Blue) and frankly Ireland isn’t looking to improve on its record seven Eurovision titles with Jedward.

But then again nowadays I only ever look to Eastern Europe to produce the real Eurovision gems. They just take it more seriously in countries where they don’t often get to have their own international pop stars. Plus they seem to have no shame when it comes to OTT pageantry.

Many people choose to criticise the show and say it’s not about the music and it’s mainly about European politics. But HELLO Germany won last year and nobody really likes them (except me) so that point is null and void.

Here is a concise list of my favourite things about Eurovision and why you should TOTALLY tune in tomorrow night:

1. The outfits

2. The national pride, not really for us but for the other countries. I mean, it’s quite something to see Bosnia and Herzegovina really representin’.

3. The hosts. They are so cringe but I so love it.

4. Graham Norton does the voice over in the UK.

5. The general WTFs

The blind woman from Georgia's 'Peace Will Come' was a TRIUMPH

6. The people who talk when they collect the scores, I do a cracking impersonation of them. Ask me when I’ve had a few too many.

7. Some pretty amazing songs have come about as a result of the Song Contest. Bucks Fizz anyone? 

Or even better, ABBA.

8. It’s gayer than Elton John and David Furnish shopping for pink be-spangled scatter cushions to adorn their chaise longue.  So like. Pretty damn gay. And it’s not cast into the abyss of 2 AM broadcasting *COUGH* RuPaul’s Drag Race *COUGH* Channel 4.

9.  Playing guess the capital cities. Okay this is lame and super geeky but I like knowing that Tallin is the capital of Estonia okay?

10. Did I mention the outfits?

Faux-litical Activists

Since, I don’t know- about March last year a number of the people I know suddenly took up an interest in politics. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it’s good to care, right?

But frankly some of y’all are taking it too damn far.

1. OMGZ NICK CLEGG IS SUCH A TR8OR INNIT

I know you think it’s hip and cool to adopt this view because Russell Howard says it a lot (bee tee dubs who else is bored stiff of him already?) but are any of you actually aware of how politics works?

Yes, it said in the Lib Dem manifesto that they planned on scrapping tuition fees, but as you can see here:

The Liberal Democrats DID NOT win. Not even close. They actually came third.

If our government just did everything on the Lib Dem manifesto it’d be undemocratic and essentially veto the votes of the majority of British people: ergo, we would live in a DICTATORSHIP.

Do you want that? No, I didn’t think so. So shut the hell up about Nick Clegg already.

2. I JUST VOTED FOR ***** AND SAID ******* TO AV

In 1872 the British government introduced the Secret Ballot Act. Before this they’d shout out if you had voted Tory or Whig straight after you wrote it down. They stopped doing this because people used to get beaten up for voting a certain way. Furthermore it’s just damn annoying so I’m pretty tempted to beat you up regardless of what you voted for. Capisce?

3. DAVID CAMERON IS THE DEVIL

Whatever your political inclination, it cannot be disputed that our prime minister has a nigh on impossible job. Yes, he’s enforced some pretty austere measures, but he’s not really done that badly has he? Anyway, I doubt any of us are really fit to judge him as I’m fairly certain that none of us have a job with even a percentile of the responsibility his has.

So give the man a break?

P.S you all should vote though, when it comes down to it. People died for your right to decide how the country is run.

Oh. This is pretty gloomy. But believe it or not I’m in an okay mood atm. I’ll write something cheerier next time.

Over and out,

Dollface.