Faux-litical Activists

Since, I don’t know- about March last year a number of the people I know suddenly took up an interest in politics. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it’s good to care, right?

But frankly some of y’all are taking it too damn far.

1. OMGZ NICK CLEGG IS SUCH A TR8OR INNIT

I know you think it’s hip and cool to adopt this view because Russell Howard says it a lot (bee tee dubs who else is bored stiff of him already?) but are any of you actually aware of how politics works?

Yes, it said in the Lib Dem manifesto that they planned on scrapping tuition fees, but as you can see here:

The Liberal Democrats DID NOT win. Not even close. They actually came third.

If our government just did everything on the Lib Dem manifesto it’d be undemocratic and essentially veto the votes of the majority of British people: ergo, we would live in a DICTATORSHIP.

Do you want that? No, I didn’t think so. So shut the hell up about Nick Clegg already.

2. I JUST VOTED FOR ***** AND SAID ******* TO AV

In 1872 the British government introduced the Secret Ballot Act. Before this they’d shout out if you had voted Tory or Whig straight after you wrote it down. They stopped doing this because people used to get beaten up for voting a certain way. Furthermore it’s just damn annoying so I’m pretty tempted to beat you up regardless of what you voted for. Capisce?

3. DAVID CAMERON IS THE DEVIL

Whatever your political inclination, it cannot be disputed that our prime minister has a nigh on impossible job. Yes, he’s enforced some pretty austere measures, but he’s not really done that badly has he? Anyway, I doubt any of us are really fit to judge him as I’m fairly certain that none of us have a job with even a percentile of the responsibility his has.

So give the man a break?

P.S you all should vote though, when it comes down to it. People died for your right to decide how the country is run.

Oh. This is pretty gloomy. But believe it or not I’m in an okay mood atm. I’ll write something cheerier next time.

Over and out,

Dollface.

People With Money

Okay yeah, I’m a student in London, and mainly I skulk about in studenty places: but occasionally I must travel vast distances across the capital and have to take the tube. Not only is this fascinating to me cause I’m still a bit excited by being underground but it allows me to get uncomfortably close to a sub-section of society I don’t tend to see much of; people with real jobs.

I feel quite lazy with this blog of late: and lists are easy to write- so here’s another list, which this time will comprise of all the things that get me riled up about these rarely-criticised blissfully employed city-slickers.

1. That woman in a full suit with expensive running shoes on.

There is a grave conflict of interests here. Either you’re a businesswoman who wants to be taken seriously, or you’re a woman who is going running and never the twain shall meet. Fair’s fair if you’re so driven and efficient that you’re going to take a run in your lunch break, but darling, you’re wearing a pencil skirt, you’re going nowhere fast- despite your top of the range Oasics trainers. You may say to me that high-heels are impractical for the journey home, but my love, this is what ballet flats were invented for. Nowadays you can even get ones that will roll up small and fit into your briefcase- so why are you lugging a pair of trainers back and forth to work? It throws off the whole sharp, hard-nosed Geschäftsfrau look you’ve got going on. You look like a total mug.

2. That man reading the Evening Standard on his iPad.

When did public transport lose its reputation for being a magnet to shifty customers and pickpockets, cause honestly- if I wasn’t so distinctive looking so I’d have a chance to get away- I’d twock that iPad right out of your hands.

Furthermore- the Evening Standard is free, there’s always about thirty copies hanging about per tube carriage. Don’t make us chop down all those trees for nothing! Read the physical paper for Christ’s sake!

3. That unfortunate looking woman with the beautiful Mulberry handbag.

If your makeup, hair and clothing are all heinously bad- why do you torment me with your delicious arm-candy? If your aim was to distract from how grim the rest of you is; you’re actually making your image worse as- in truth, it serves the opposite purpose by creating a contrast between the Frankenstein’s monster of the rest of your outfit and the perfectly-crafted demi-god hanging off your left arm. I’m going to make you an offer here, I will dress you so that you can finally look half decent if you hand over the Mulberry. I promise you I will treasure it forever and pass it onto my grandchildren. Please?