Today as I was lying in bed watching Will & Grace, I
thought to myself- I am amazing at this.
Yes, I am a great slob. There’s more to being a super
slovenly couch potato than you might think. Most of the work involved comes
from pretending not to be one.
So here’s my guide to looking fabulous without breaking a
sweat.
Here’s me before:NOTE I haven't done any lame editing on these pix, this is GRITTY JOURNALISM right here.
The first and most important objective is to pretend you’re
capable of complying with the expected levels of basic human cleanliness.
Now, me personally- I hate washing, I only have a shower
here and who wants to stand up for a whole 10 minutes. Not me!
Here is my basic toolkit of pristine pretence.
If your teeth are clean and you don’t smell- nobody will
suspect a thing.
Oh unless you have hair, which is another problem I’ve
solved for you. There’s this magical stuff called dry shampoo.
1. it smells nice which adds to the whole clean façade
2. it takes like 1 minute to do and you don’t have to dry
your hair afterwards
3. it weirdly gives you VOLUME
aaaamazing! Just remember to brush it through your hair
properly so it doesn’t look like you’ve come off worse in a fight with a bag of
flour.
Oh yeah, use makeup wipes to get rid of the gack all over
your face.
Then: replace the gack by throwing a tonne of makeup on your
face
If you can pull it off, lipstick's fab cause it makes you
look mega put together. Like a business woman or something.
Then put a hair clip in. It gives the appearance of you
having done something to your hair, but is considerably less effort than
putting it up.
Now, check me out. This took me from 17.21-17.38 INCLUDING
posing for pictures and brushing my excessive hair.. I’m sure y’all can do
quicker!
(p.s yeah I crimped my hair which is uncharacteristically
pro-active of me, but it looks FEROCIOUS doesn’t it?)
You’re now ready to go out and pull lots of fit guyssss, or
as I’m about to do; have dinner with a couple of homo hotties.
Ciao ciao betches.
Lol LOVE it, so glad to meet another glam slob... I mean anyone can not wash, but looking fabulous as well takes us to another level! My tip for the top is lightly scented baby-wipes from the £1 shop, perfect for armpits: they use them on the international space-station where showers are not even possible...
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