Saturday, 1 October 2011

Slob Tips: Maximum FINESSE Minimum Effort

Today as I was lying in bed watching Will & Grace, I thought to myself- I am amazing at this.
Yes, I am a great slob. There’s more to being a super slovenly couch potato than you might think. Most of the work involved comes from pretending not to be one.
So here’s my guide to looking fabulous without breaking a sweat.
Here’s me before:NOTE I haven't done any lame editing on these pix, this is GRITTY JOURNALISM right here.

The first and most important objective is to pretend you’re capable of complying with the expected levels of basic human cleanliness.
Now, me personally- I hate washing, I only have a shower here and who wants to stand up for a whole 10 minutes. Not me!
Here is my basic toolkit of pristine pretence.

If your teeth are clean and you don’t smell- nobody will suspect a thing.

Oh unless you have hair, which is another problem I’ve solved for you. There’s this magical stuff called dry shampoo.

1. it smells nice which adds to the whole clean façade
2. it takes like 1 minute to do and you don’t have to dry your hair afterwards
3. it weirdly gives you VOLUME
aaaamazing! Just remember to brush it through your hair properly so it doesn’t look like you’ve come off worse in a fight with a bag of flour.

Oh yeah, use makeup wipes to get rid of the gack all over your face.

Then: replace the gack by throwing a tonne of makeup on your face
If you can pull it off, lipstick's fab cause it makes you look mega put together. Like a business woman or something.

Then put a hair clip in. It gives the appearance of you having done something to your hair, but is considerably less effort than putting it up.

Now, check me out. This took me from 17.21-17.38 INCLUDING posing for pictures and brushing my excessive hair.. I’m sure y’all can do quicker!

(p.s yeah I crimped my hair which is uncharacteristically pro-active of me, but it looks FEROCIOUS doesn’t it?)

You’re now ready to go out and pull lots of fit guyssss, or as I’m about to do; have dinner with a couple of homo hotties. 
Ciao ciao betches.

1 comment:

  1. Lol LOVE it, so glad to meet another glam slob... I mean anyone can not wash, but looking fabulous as well takes us to another level! My tip for the top is lightly scented baby-wipes from the £1 shop, perfect for armpits: they use them on the international space-station where showers are not even possible...