You

Hey guys! Welcome to my fiftieth post! I'm being all pensive.
So yesterday I put up a poll on my blog’s facebook asking y’all what you wanted to see more of on here.

And it got me thinking- the most important person on this blog is actually YOU.
It’s weird to think that anyone would read the drivel I want to write about, but it seems more and more so that you actually do! Crazy!

And I don’t know much about you.. I know most of you are from the UK, use PCs and run Internet Explorer. But apart from that I am clueless!

So this is my plea to you to tell me who you are, you don’t need to include your name or anything, just tell me if you know me in the real world, or if you found me by googling ‘are Jedward gay?’ (Seriously that is one of the top things people google to get here), you can tell me you think I’m an idiot- I don’t care, just tell me what you want! I’m never quite sure what’s a hit and what’s a miss.

What do you want me to write about?
Do you like my interviews?
Do you want to know more about your faithful narrator?
What’s your favourite post I’ve ever done?
I’m willing to talk about most things. Srsly I can chat shit about all number of topics [n.b please please please don’t ask me to talk about sport.. I run out of things to say after ‘I was a sub for the third netball team at school… errr I have asthma okay I am like allergic to exercise’]

So basically GET IN TOUCH WITH ME!!! There are a number of ways you can do this:-
By liking my FACEBOOK and writing on the wall
By sending an EMAIL to longtimenodig@mail.com
Or just by commenting on this post after the jump (I don’t think a blogger account is necessary, so you can give me abuse anonymously if you so wish)

If I get any feedback whatsoever from this I will be over the moon! So get tapping away on those little keyboards my little Long Time No Diggers.

Love and Marriage

A conversation I’ve had again and again with my female friends almost since we were old enough to talk is about who’d we’d marry and what our wedding’s going to be like. We’ve all been nuptually fixated before we knew what sex was or even realised that boys weren’t actually made of slugs, snails and puppydog tails. 

FYI: this was the most sexist film I've seen released this side of the millennium

And of course, if you’re a brit you’ll know the hype at the moment is all about the new series of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding being shown on Channel 4; so yesterday when I was schmoozing with the girls it all came up again.

I have somewhat complicated views on marriage, as it seems my family has been cursed to divorce ever since it’s been socially acceptable.

Usually, when someone asks me about getting married I tell them that I don’t plan to, and that two people can lead a perfectly happy and healthy relationship without tying the knot.  Anyway, I couldn’t be fussed with the whole buying a wedding dress too small for me and crash dieting myself into it debacle.

HOT!

But secretly, inside I have a crazy yearning to become a character in a Lawrence novel, the downtrodden wife of a miner, living in a two-up, two-down terraced cottage with our four children, who spends all day cooking and washing the family’s linen with a mangle only for my husband to come home from the mine, snatch the jam jar I kept the money for little Louisa’s new hobnail boots in, and go down the pub and spend it all on drink. Later he’d come home and beat me senseless because there were lumps in the custard at dinner.

I’m not sure whether this is a genuine fantasy of mine or just the product of a deep-rooted wish to lead a more literary life- or perhaps it’s just my masochism coming through.

Why is being beaten such an attractive prospect for me?

Having Very Long Hair

 If you know me you’ll know that I have very long hair; it’s often the first thing people notice about me and when people forget my name I am “the one with the hair”.  so I thought I’d do a FAQ thing about it.

First of all here's me- this is from last year but I always look the same 

Why is your hair so long?

Now, despite it somewhat defining me, I’m very laissez-faire with my hair- it is so long because I can’t be bothered to go to a hairdressers. Plus, they tend to take get a bit over excited at my hair and take ages trying to do stuff to it, and having my hair brushed in public is really embarrassing.

Has your hair always been that long?

This is a stupid question seeing as obviously I didn’t come out of the womb with it. I, like everyone else, had short hair as a young girl but I wanted to grow it so I’d look like a princess.. then I never stopped.

D'aww (and if you couldn't guess it was me from my angelic attire- i'm the blonde one)

How did you grow it so long? Mine gets to about here *gesticulates* then it stops growing! It’s so unfair! Waaaah!

Erm, your hair doesn’t just stop growing. Nutter. It got so long because I get my hair cut once or twice a year and you go every six weeks- duh.

Does it take you ages to wash and dry it?

Well, this is a weird one cause I’m not really aware of how long it takes people with short hair- since I’ve had long hair since I was about six. I try and wash my hair every other day to keep costs down and it takes me 20 minutes for a whole shower usually, is that normal? I don’t know. And I don’t use a hair-dryer; I’ve always ignored the risk of catching my death of cold (has anyone ever actually done that) and sleep with wet hair.

You ever tempted to cut it all off?

I actually quite frequently am but then I wuss out. I am definitely getting it all chopped off by my thirtieth birthday though, greying long hair is depressing and makes you look older.

Can I play with your hair?

No, just no.

You’re so lucky to have long hair

(I know this isn’t a question)

Yeah, I guess I am lucky that my circumstances haven’t forced me into selling my hair (yet). But seriously, I think I am- it’s kind of nice being stopped by old people because they want to give you compliments and tell you “I had hair just like you when I was a girl” although it is a bit creepy when they stroke it. I’m flattered but that’s weird.

I hope this was interesting for you, I never wrote the word hair that many times before. Crazy stuff.

p.s I thought I’d leave this as a treat:  if you’re dead bored read all the sections- I don’t know who this guy’s audience is supposed to be but they seem to be pretty “special” also he really hates barbers, like REALLY hates them. They’re constantly trying to sabotage his hair growth agenda.