Faux-litical Activists

Since, I don’t know- about March last year a number of the people I know suddenly took up an interest in politics. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean, it’s good to care, right?

But frankly some of y’all are taking it too damn far.

1. OMGZ NICK CLEGG IS SUCH A TR8OR INNIT

I know you think it’s hip and cool to adopt this view because Russell Howard says it a lot (bee tee dubs who else is bored stiff of him already?) but are any of you actually aware of how politics works?

Yes, it said in the Lib Dem manifesto that they planned on scrapping tuition fees, but as you can see here:

The Liberal Democrats DID NOT win. Not even close. They actually came third.

If our government just did everything on the Lib Dem manifesto it’d be undemocratic and essentially veto the votes of the majority of British people: ergo, we would live in a DICTATORSHIP.

Do you want that? No, I didn’t think so. So shut the hell up about Nick Clegg already.

2. I JUST VOTED FOR ***** AND SAID ******* TO AV

In 1872 the British government introduced the Secret Ballot Act. Before this they’d shout out if you had voted Tory or Whig straight after you wrote it down. They stopped doing this because people used to get beaten up for voting a certain way. Furthermore it’s just damn annoying so I’m pretty tempted to beat you up regardless of what you voted for. Capisce?

3. DAVID CAMERON IS THE DEVIL

Whatever your political inclination, it cannot be disputed that our prime minister has a nigh on impossible job. Yes, he’s enforced some pretty austere measures, but he’s not really done that badly has he? Anyway, I doubt any of us are really fit to judge him as I’m fairly certain that none of us have a job with even a percentile of the responsibility his has.

So give the man a break?

P.S you all should vote though, when it comes down to it. People died for your right to decide how the country is run.

Oh. This is pretty gloomy. But believe it or not I’m in an okay mood atm. I’ll write something cheerier next time.

Over and out,

Dollface.

Things What You May Have Not Already Have Known About The US of A

1.     Southerners will get mad if you call them a Yank.

Behind his "southern hospitality" smile lies a will of iron and the ability to become crazier than a shit-house rat. Now that's a varmint I wouldn't like to see someone get crazier than; if you know what I mean.

2.     Sideburns are named after the U.S. Civil War General, Ambrose Burnside.

I would.

3.     They call noughts and crosses tic tac toe.

4.     The reason New York has the best pizza and bagels in the world is because of the water (allegedly).

5.     This isn’t really about America but this video is hilar:

6.     Btw I’m not cheating and just googling “facts about America” these are all coming from my brain.

7.     Bulk buying Sudafed is illegal cause they use it to make crystal meth- we don’t have crystal meth here really and I for one am glad it’s not crossed over the pond. We’ll have Madonna but you can keep the drugz. 

 

Want

Do not want.

8.     They call taps faucets.. I learnt this from Uncle Buck.

9.     God this is a difficult list.

10. They spell words like dialling and modelling with only one L like dialing and modeling. But then they do get the chance to do competitive spelling which I am so jealous of it's unreal- think of all the prizes I could have won!

11. Erm.. they have pageants for little children and they truss them up like little prostitutes and stick these fake teeth on so they don’t look like they only have baby teeth. You should definitely watch Toddlers & Tiaras on DMAX if, like me, you have a sick fascination with this kind of stuff.

12. Apparently Makenzie is an acceptable first name over there; it isn’t even frickin’ spelt right.

13. They also have guns. Lots of them. The right to bear arms is very important to them- and did you guys see all the puns related to this when Michelle Obama kept wearing sleeveless dresses? I don’t really know how that was deemed newsworthy but it somehow was. 

She has both guns and the right to bare arms

14. They call this # a pound sign- I’ll give you a pound sign, £££££££ THIS is a pound sign.

15. Everything is cheap in America because they don’t have a top-notch public healthcare system like we do.  In the US you have to be a millionaire to get sick. True story. 

Then again, they get Greg House (although tbh he should be ours as Hugh Laurie is a bona fide brit- actually he's fictional, so what do I care?)

16. I don’t actually know that much about America.

I'm not 100% sure if 100% of this is 100% accurate but I hope I've taught y'all something.