Poets and Hos

I am currently sat in the library writing an essay on a couple of poems; one of which is an imagined exchange between a Victorian prostitute and an old friend from the barton- if you're aware of what a barton is then you'll already know that yes, it is Thomas Hardy- and if you’re interested it’s called The Ruined Maid.

Anyway, I wanted to procrastinate but not entirely deviate from the topic. Therefore, today I’m going to grapple with the mammoth issue of having sex then getting paid for it, or- being a ho.

When prostitution and the media converge one of two things result, and you’re either going to be watching:

a) A news report or documentary about hookers getting murdered

or

b) A drama about a fictional prostitute

It all gets a bit serious when talking about real life events, so we’ll look at the portrayal of the fictional harlot.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl

Last year for some unbeknownst reason (I’m thinking it’s most likely the huge amount of sex on show) Secret Diary of a Call Girl starring Billie Piper became extremely popular amongst my friends. For those of you who don’t know, it is a series based on a blog of a high-end London call girl called Belle du Jour and it also the most watched programme on ITV 2.

As the programme is supposed to be based on a blog which is supposed to be an accurate depiction of the life of an escort, I have many issues with it.

1. Firstly, it makes prostitution out to be perhaps the most glamorous profession you could possibly get in to. Belle usually proffers her services to rich, distinguished looking, well-mannered, handsome and for the most part young, men.

WHAT

Are the production team even aware of what a prostitute is? It is a service for men who have to pay for women to sleep with them. If they were rich and handsome they’d have no problem getting some even if they were married. There are plenty of women out there who’d have no scruples with having them for free.

2. There is very little danger in Belle’s life, even if the client is somewhat kinky it’s always in a cutesy way with riding crops, fluffy hand-cuffs etc.

WHAT

A prostitute runs six times the chance of being murdered in her job than the average for every other profession. Plus men really want to “get their money’s worth” so they can end up bound and beaten.

3.Belle controls her own hours and the sex takes place in either her beautiful flat, top-end hotels or at lavish sex parties.

WHAT

How rich are these fricking men, not only are they paying, presumably by the state of her home, a lot of money for the privilege of sleeping with her- but they also put her up in hotels? And these sex parties, I mean come on, how many can really exist? In this current economic climate how what man can afford to employ a team of prostitutes all in special outfits to entertain their chums… also do men really want to have sex in close proximity to their friends.. isn’t that a bit.. pervy?

4. She leads a double life the whole time, at first none of her non-prozzie friends know what she does.

WHAT

How do you explain your nice clothes, house, stuff, sex preparation room etc to your friends without really telling them what you do? And don’t they realise that you’re in all day sleeping so you can “do the night shift”? This is crazy ITV I mean she has some cover story about being a secretary.. but that is totally incongruous with how she lives! Jeesh. Also the neighbours would be have to be totally oblivious to not be bloody suspicious about visitors and her comings and goings.

You’re all going to tell me to shut up with the ranting but this really grinds my gears. Nearly as much as poor spelling or ugg boots do.

Anyway, ciao babies.