Stuff I Really Really Like

To follow the my list of things I hate I’m going to give you all a glimpse of all the little things in my life that make me smile.

1. Being a deliberate pain.

I like to do things to cause undue distress.. especially anonymously and to strangers. For example, I recently found someone’s National Insurance card on the street and kept it. Look look:

I have no clue who Donald William Morgan is but I’ve fully pikeyed his identity. Finders keepers losers weepers. (if you are DWM send me a scan of your passport and I might give you your card back.. maybe. Also look how nice I am retouching your NI number so real meanies don't pretend to be you)

It is also my dream to one day superglue a 50 pence piece to the floor and watch on as people fail to pick it up. Mwahahaha.

And to add to my Machiavellian persona I also like to pinch stuff, especially highly overpriced things. Stealing drinks at clubs is exceedingly good.

2. Loyalty cards.
If I lost my purse I’d be most depressed about losing my Boots and Subway cards rather than any money I’d had in it. You can earn money back- but I’ll never be able to regain the sense of satisfaction having these cards gives me. As a bit of a commitmentphobe they are the closest things I have to a long-term relationship, I mean, my Boots card has been in my life for six years! That’s what I call perseverance.

I don’t have as many as my brother. He takes it to extremes and his wallet weighs about as much as a small child.

3. Unnecessarily shortening words and also talking in German occasionally.

It all started out with “soz”- I mainly used it as a way to enrage my mother (totally worked) and now I just shorten as much as I possibly can. Any shop can be shortened (or actually lengthened in some cases) as so: Tesco=Tezzers, Morrisons=Mozzers, Subway=Subbers, Topshop= Toppers etc etc then there’s always shortening various adjectives; delicious becomes delish, ridiculous becomes ridic, beautiful, beaut- you know, all pretty standard. But my personal piéce de resistance is speaking out loud in what used to be called ‘text-talk’ but no one texts like that anymore so I don’t know what to call it. Personal favourites are saying lol instead of bothering to laugh, WTF-ing, saying oh em gee all the time as well as saying BRB when nipping off for a second. But the CREAM OF THE CROP is shortening a shortening. Ceebs is my lifeblood- it is a truncation of the acronym CBA, meaning can’t be arsed- btw any Americans reading this it means can’t be bothered. Throwing in a few German words now and again can only add to your mystique. To talk in your own personal dialect is very irritating. So I love it.

4. Collecting weird images.

There are pictures available to us in many mediums, but the best ones seem to come from magazines that cost around 58p and have an exclamation mark in their title like “That’s Life!” or “Love It!” or “Take a Break!” as they are generally absurd or on postcards bought in Europe. I got this one in Hamburg: isn’t she brill?!

And this one is from Berlin- I don’t have a clue why a ginger in a mini-bearskin is ironing the German flag on the Brandenburger Tor either, but it is definitely fantastic. 

The little things are always best, don't you think?